Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
