Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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