She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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