I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
