Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i love accidental penises.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize