i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
