There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
