yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
