they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
