He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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