My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
