I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize