guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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