those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize