u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
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