Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
