i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
