Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
