Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
