Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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