Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
