Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
