So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
