we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
