The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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