you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
