Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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