she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
this hospital has no fireball
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
