She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Damn victory sex feels great
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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