We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
