Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
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