so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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