I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize