if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
