Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
