someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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