dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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