im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
