how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
