I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
