i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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