I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
