I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
