Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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