you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
