your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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