R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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