Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize