I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
