I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
