I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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