You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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