if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
