just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize