Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
two words...techno handjob
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
