Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
