there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
