So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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