he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
