i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I am available for nakedness
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
