wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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