His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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