I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize