if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
