the condom got lost in my hair
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
