Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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