i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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