hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
