just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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