Pregnant stripper...not hot.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
