i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
