i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
