yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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