Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
