Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize