maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
