4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
