I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize
