Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
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