i need an iv and a liver transplant
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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