I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
