i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
