I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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