he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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