Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
please come you make the beer taste better
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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