You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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