based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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