Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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