bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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