Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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