I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
