so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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