I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
